Wednesday, 23 November 2016

I'm lost.

I have one passion that I am fully aware of, and that is writing. I love to write for people because it's one of the ways I can share joy. I want to spend my days writing beautiful words so people can feel what I feel. But I don't know how to make that a job, so that's not how I spend my days. I spend my days at work, then by the time I'm home my desire to write is gone and I crawl into bed. This has been my life for the past two years. My flaw is that I'm lazy, and I read other peoples work and I feel inadequate. Because why would someone need to read my words when so many other people have already said all I have to say? Who knows. But it's time for me to get over that and write, because I feel my happiness come back when I write.

For so long I've been half a person, I haven't been complete for a long time. Realizing this caused a huge amount of pain, which hasn't left. I didn't like the pain so I distracted myself from it for a while, but then all of a sudden it came crashing down on me. My life is vastly different to what it used to be, and all of a sudden I was lost. My smile was fake, and the sparkle from my eyes was dead. 
But, I am on the road we call life, and I know now that to find myself I need to draw near to God. He is my source of Joy and life, and when I started to lose sight of that I lost myself. I was the girl who was defined by her relationship and as soon as I knew that, I had to leave. It was difficult, because I honestly loved him. But I loved him to the point that I was willing to lose myself to be what he wanted, and that didn't sit well with me. So, here I am. Single. Trying to find my passion for life and zeal for God.

But I feel happy for writing this, it's strangely healing. Words calm my chaotic mind.


If anything becomes more fundamental than God to your happiness, meaning of…

Lecy x

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